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Shawnee Takes Time Off From Inmate Beat Down for Updated Mug Shot

My friends..  My dear, dear friends…  We’ve all shared a number of traumatic experiences as a nation in the past few weeks.  Who among us was not shedding a tear in the bottom of the 10th inning as the Cubs won the World Series for the first time in 108 years?


I went to college and nabbed a couple worthless degrees in Chicago at a music conservatory and then worked in the cubes downtown for six years writing software while wearing a suit.  Then I started my software company wearing my PJs.  Every day, for 18 years, I watched the hapless Cubs continuing the tradition of FAIL.  Due to a stroke of good misfortune, I was able to move to rural Colorado (an hour from Aspen and Vail – far away from civilization) and basically lost touch with damn near everything Midwest.  18 years after that, I encountered Shawnee Ryan and shortly after that I had the strong fortune to get the hell out of Colorado and to re-join a different kind of uncivilized society once again: this time on the east coast.  But I digress.  This is about Shawnee Ryan here, after all.

One month ago, I saw an interview with Bill Murray talking about the Cubs before the World Series and the reporter asked him, “What makes you think the Cubs can win it this year?”  He replied, “They’ve got the sticks.”  He was right.  All the years and emotions of being a student riding the L past Wrigley Field and hoping to see the W flag waving (and hoping to someday be able to afford to attend a Cub game) were over — in a way — and a rather lovely bow had been tied around the situation, too, (thank you very much) after their victory.

My earliest memory of Chicago was when I was seven and my brother was eight.  Our family went to visit the Field Museum of Natural History and my brother and I somehow got a little bored and decided to play a little game to see how fast we could get the revolving doors to the museum entrance spinning before we popped out.


I see that they cleaned up the blood.

As you can imagine, it ended badly.  Yes, my head got caught in the rapidly-spinning door due to a poorly-timed exit launch strategy on my part.

The pain was excruciating.  I laid on the concrete, completely bewildered when a stranger came up to me and said, “Oh my GOD!  Do you need first aid?”  I had never heard the term before, and the man was answered by my father who suddenly appeared and was pointing down at my writhing body and said, “Nahh..  He’s so stupid that this event can only help him.  Cigarette, pal?”

There was a point in time in our nation where is was cool to, “Share a Lucky” if you know what I mean…

That was back in the day when a parent had no problem seeing their children experience pain (aka suffer) from the lousy choices they made.  In fact, parents believed that this was instrumental in their growth as human beings, and all adults were on the same page with it.  It’s also important to note that kids were 100% aware of this reality, too.  If you were a kid and found out that your neighbor’s mom narc’d on you for being an idiot, your life changed immediately.  Suddenly there was basically no safe place anywhere to be a complete idiot.

What we now call high-tech surveillance home security systems with cameras, motion detection and a DVR used to be called a neighborhood of concerned parents that were inflexible in their perspective of what activities are acceptable by the local children.  It was Zero Tolerance before the phrase was ever spoken.

Chicago brings back so many wonderful memories, still, as you can clearly see.  Go Cubs, Go!

And then a few days ago, our nation experienced this:  A Presidential Election between THESE two people!  Woo Hoo!  We got to choose between a sociopath narcissist BRAND and a women with a blatant history of hiring unqualified IT Directors.


Nobody knows quite what to think yet.  Some things are for sure, though:  We’ll get no more SNL election skits for four more years.

Having your black friends tell you that they consider a vote for Trump to be a hate crime does tend to wake up the awareness echos of the divide that exists in the nation.  Learning about it and trying to understand how it got to be this way has been a fascinating and challenging effort and experience.  Google WPA slave narratives and spend some quality time there.  You will see exactly what I mean.

The thought that the nation had to choose between a couple of 70-year-old creepy white folks to move the nation forward (or backward) raised more than a few million eyebrows out there, and across the ponds, too.  There is a considerable state of shock going on out there.

It’s a ball of confusion out here in the non-incarcerated world, if you know what I mean.  Seriously..  Google Ball Of Confusion images and check out what comes up.  This one was in the first 10.  Tons of people bought this lunatic’s claims.  How’d that work out?


Here’s another clown for your consideration:


He humiliated the nation on a lot of levels and somehow was able to do a, “dignity skate” thing after paying off a number of sexual harassment lawsuits.  President Bill Clinton was impeached on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice by the House of Representatives on Dec. 19, 1998.  On a plus note, he was able to right the financial ship of the nation to the point where we actually had a black balance sheet.  Oh dear, that word again…

And then we elected this clown who is pictured here searching for missing yellow cake and WMDs:


If you were not aware of what this clown did, I can help you out with that action.  Go to your local VA hospital and walk around and see what your fellow Americans are dealing with there.  Just as an aside, when you’re doing your research about what the nation spends on health care — the VA is a good place to start.  WAR AIN’T FREE.

I seriously suggest that you go to a VA hospital and walk around, have a cup of coffee and a snack.  Breeze through the gift shop.  See the citizens that have given their lives, bodies, minds and souls to serve the nation.  See what condition they’re in.  Talk with them.  Talk with a case worker.  Listen to them.  Sit in the waiting room for homeless vets.  See what you see.  Chat it up.  You *just* might learn something.  War ain’t free.  Flippant talk about military conflict is dangerous.  Words do matter.  Well, at least they used to.  We have no idea how stupid the next administration will become.  I seem to be digressing wildly here.  Sorry about that.

These are some of the issues that we get to deal with.  Let’s compare and contrast with the issues that Shawnee gets to deal with now.

Health Care:  Prison/Jail health care spending in the USA has dropped slightly from the peak in 2009.  There are a number of reasons for this, and none of them are particularly interesting for the purpose of this blog entry.  What *is* important is that Shawnee’s personal outlay for health care spending in the past four years has averaged out (on a per-year basis) to zero dollars.

Housing Costs:  The economic upturn in the past four years since Shawnee was incarcerated has been impressive for many Americans, and new home prices and rents have increased significantly while interest rates are basically at zero percent.  Shawnee has enjoyed no changes in her housing costs over the past four years, with no increases whatsoever.  Granted, she does need to share a small-ish room (technically it’s a cell with a thick steel door and a meal slot) with another inmate, and there are restrictions on her with regard to her ability to move freely (think nightly lock downs) but the fact of the matter is that you simply cannot beat the price, even with a Cubbie stick.

Before moving on, let’s have a look at the star of the show.  Here is the most recent mug shot:


I know exactly what you all are thinking, “That Prell Shampoo will dry out your hair every damn time!”  Oh, and of course, you are right about that!

Let’s be honest here, her prison shirt color choice is very American.  Supporting the newly elected President with her inmate photo-op garb color choice is impressive AND patriotic.  Granted, she didn’t have time before the photo shoot to straighten it up, but it is indeed a stunning color for her.  I have an honest question for you here..  What kind of photographer enjoys roughing up the subject of their work before snapping a photo?  I mean, if it’s just a few inmates, sure, that’s one thing (obviously there are trouble makers in every group) but there are 1000 women in that institution!  What photographer has the time,  energy and stack of extra wide-angle lenses for that level of photographic smack downs?

As it is with our presidential situation, orange is indeed the new black.

The record says that Shawnee is 5-7 and 230 pounds.  She’s not 5-7 nor is she 230 pounds any longer.  She is gaunt and frail.  She is not flourishing in prison.  Look at her hair.  She has no friends in or out of the joint.  None of the other reindeer want to play with her.  Her commissary account is empty.  Little Debbie has no snack for Shawnee.

On another down note, the Denver Women’s Correctional Institution has an inmate capacity of about 900, but usually houses close to 1,000.  The DWCI is notorious for being an especially dangerous place to do time as a woman in the state of Colorado.  The facility has the highest percentage of reported sexual assaults in the country, with 1 in 10 inmates reporting assault by a staff member.  A large number of inmates reporting assault also claimed to have been coerced through force or threat of force.  The facility has a history of using extremely invasive techniques during strip and cavity searches for contraband, and force inmates to expose their genitals during these searches.  So, in addition to conflict resolution issues with fellow inmates, Shawnee gets to deal with the guards, too!  And as we’ve all recently learned, those with the biggest sticks win..

On a plus note, Shawnee has a parole hearing this month!  Yippee!!


Is this even possible?  Could Shawnee have possibly figured out a plan to pay the $57k in restitution she owes?  Could Shawnee convince a Parole Board that she’s changed her ways and will never file a false lien on her customer’s properties again?  Never rip off another interior design customer?  Never convince another of her children that suicide is a better life-option than working with the authorities investigating her financial shenanigans?

Is it wrong of me to want to send her a T-Shirt that was generated by the Trump campaign about, “Nasty Women?”





Bless Me Father, It’s Been Three Years Since My Last Confession

Let’s admit it, folks…  There is a certain reason that we come to this site a full three years after the last post  was made.  Simply put, we wonder if there is any juicy Shawnee Ryan news to learn.  Hopefully everyone’s lives have moved on nicely since our favorite sociopath narcissist interior designer was tossed in the pokey for 12 large back in November 2012.

I have to admit that I miss writing up kooky articles about this insanity.  And I also have to admit that I miss the fabulous comments that everybody contributed.

The fact of the matter is that I know nothing.  Well, other than that there is an updated photo on her on the CO DOC website.  If you know something, please share.

Happy Holidays, folks!


Screenshot from 2015-12-18 20:48:53

It’s Official – Martin Beeson Loses DA Election

Colorado Elections Officials have just announced the results for Colorado’s 9th Judicial District DA race.  Survey says?  Well, apparently these guys are about to be out of work:

Jeff Cheney and Martin Beeson — pictured here explaining their requested increase to their multimillion dollar budget to the Pitkin County Commissioners  — are just two of the many faces that will no longer populate the hallowed hallways of Colorado’s 9th Judicial District Attorney’s Offices come Wednesday, January 2, 2013.  The swearing in date for Sherry Caloia has not been announced yet.

After the election day were results were in, challenger Sherry Caloia was leading by a slim margin.  That’s when the provisional votes began processing.  These votes took a full week to process, and Caloia still maintained a slim margin.  Finally, late last night, it was made official that Caloia had won.  Interestingly, the local fish wrap printed the story of her victory with the headline, “Caloia is apparent winner.” This is interesting, as prior to the election, the Post Independent threw their support to Beeson, and they wrapped up their editorial with the line, “Should Beeson win this year, he will be forced out by term limits in 2016. We can wait until then to elect a new district attorney.”  Apparently the voters felt that the issue was a bit more time-sensitive than the Post Independent did.

Beeson, pictured here in 2009 at a Tea Party Rally, commented, “I’m fed up with out of control spending, irresponsible spending and burdensome taxes,” Beeson said. “I work hard for what I do and the fruits of my labor should be mine and my family’s.”  Beeson’s budget was $1.2 million a year when he started as DA in 2006 and ballooned to an astounding $3.2 million this year.  Apparently it’s pricey to extradite people from England to Garfield County and jail them for two years as they await trial.  Beeson received annual raises each year he was in office.  The Tea Party had no comment on Beeson’s loss, as the remaining member is attending a sign making class in Topeka.

Shortly after the Tea Party clown show, an emboldened Beeson announced that he was running for Colorado’s 3rd Congressional District against John Salazar.  This did not last long as Beeson pulled out of the race a few months after announcing his candidacy.  Beeson was running against Scott Tipton, who, at the time, was a Cortez pottery store owner.  Tipton went on to win that election.  Dubbed, “The Picnic Table Incident,” it was this grandstanding image that was the beginning of the end of Beeson’s political career.

Upon hearing the news of his defeat, Beeson did not concede.  The word on the street is that the Republican Party will pay for a recount.  The candidate must pay for a recount if the margin of loss is greater than 100 votes.  Beeson, wearing an ill-fitting shirt commented, “I will take a look at the official numbers, they are still very close. I will think on it, sleep on it, and figure out what my next step will be.”

In addition to the Picnic Table Incident and the Venom Fest Letter to the Aspen Times, Beeson’s loss can also be attributed to the last three cases he handled.  Phillip Amonette, Shawnee Ryan and Marcus Bebb-Jones.  These three cases were the ones that would, in theory, seal the deal for his re-election, and cost was not an issue for Beeson.  Amonette and Shawnee are both in prison now, and, courtesy of the Judge, they’re serving the maximum sentences.  The cost of these cases to the taxpayers has not yet been revealed.  It is fair to say that these two cases were handled poorly, to put it kindly, as they both took years to deal with.  But the big one is the Bebb-Jones case.  All eyes will be on Caloia as she is now tasked with cleaning up the mess that Beeson created with this case.

The question at hand has to do with whether Caloia will drop the charges against Bebb-Jones, and what his reaction will be should she decide to pursue that course of action.  In one sense, Caloia’s hands are tied.  The DA’s Office has already invested a huge amount of money in this case.  Bebb-Jones has been in jail for almost two years without bail, and the case has been continued until April, which means that Bebb-Jones will be in jail for another six months before getting his day in court.  If Caloia drops the charges, the blow back could be immediate and severe.  She may have to, though, due to the cost and evidence issues.  This could be the most difficult decision she has to make as DA, and it is one of the first ones she will have to make.  The already-insane cost of this case will continue to grow when it comes time for trial, as it will involve multiple witnesses who must be flown in from out of state and overseas. Also, they must be provided lodging for the trial which is slated to take over a month.  The bigger concern would be the cost of the lawsuit that Bebb-Jones will file if the case were to be dropped.

The job ahead for Sherry Caloia will not be an easy one.  Cleaning up the messes created by her predecessor will take time.  Repairing broken relationships, such as is the case with the Public Defenders Office, will take time.  Fortunately, there are high levels of confidence that these issues will be now handled in a professional and thorough manner by a competent lawyer, as opposed to a wanna-be Preacher that was in over his head ever since Day 1.

Here is a pictorial reminder to Martin Beeson:

<– this, plus this -> equals this ->




Your comments are welcome and appreciated. 

Why Martin Beeson Lost The Election

As pressure mounts on Martin Beeson to formally concede, perhaps now is a good time to review exactly why he lost his bid to be re-elected as District Attorney in Colorado’s 9th Judicial District.  To recap, Beeson lost to Democrat challenger Sherry Caloia by just over 100 votes.  The result of this is that long-time DA Office employees are now getting their resumes and CVs ready for, new hopefuls are lining up to be part of what is no doubt going to be a major transition in the office, and Beeson is still standing in a corner shaking his head and wondering, “Where did I go wrong?”

Let’s take a look into the Mind of Beeson and see what kinds of things are bouncing around in there.  Maybe an answer to Beeson’s question will be revealed.

Venom, Beeson Style

Two years ago Beeson wrote this to the Aspen Times Newspaper.  This is, “the truth” according to Martin Beeson.

This frightening essay was written in response to the newspaper calling out Beeson on a few topics, including the fact that he has no clue how the system works.  This is especially true when it comes to the matter of a person being innocent until being proven guilty.  It is also highly disturbing to read his thoughts on the Public Defender’s Office.

The DA’s Office budget has skyrocketed since Beeson took office.  Why is this?  Well, one reason is that Beeson deemed that pursuing the Bebb-Jones case would be a worthwhile cost to the taxpayers.  You know, so they could all rest well knowing that a murderer is off the streets.  Yeah, that same old tired schtick.

This is the case of a Grand Junction woman who went missing 17 years ago.  Her skull was found two years ago.  Mesa County chose to not pursue the matter for numerous reasons, including the exorbitant cost and the fact that there was no other evidence.  In spite of the remains being found in Mesa County (not in Garfield County as it has been reported) Beeson still decided to spend a fortune extraditing Bebb-Jones from England in order for him to stand trial for the murder.  Well, that and a nice taxpayer-paid 10-day London vacation for some DA employees, of course.  There are no witnesses and there is no direct evidence against Bebb-Jones.  However, the DA’s Office did feel that it was OK to classify Bebb-Jones as a “British Celebrity Gambler” and they also pumped the newspapers with the fact that Sabrina Bebb-Jones was born in Viet Nam.  All of this is completely irrelevant jive to all but one mind.  At the time that Sabrina Bebb-Jones went missing, she and her husband Marcus ran a small hotel in Grand Junction.  Grand Junction.  As in, Mesa County.  Not Garfield County.  Clear enough yet?

As of today, Bebb-Jones has been sitting in the GarCo Jail for 666 days.  His trial was just postponed again until April 2013 and is scheduled to take five weeks.  It was originally scheduled to take place before the election.  But a little matter came up.  It’s what we like to call “jurisdiction.”  The skull was found in Mesa County, which is in the 21st Judicial District — not in the 9th Judicial District.  Here is how a software logic programmer would write this one:

IF ( Human_Remains NOT IN ( Your_Judicial_District ) )

GOTO Cannot_Prosecute;


This logic is offered free of charge to any other DA that might find the need to use it.  You may find that it will save a lot of money.  Plus, it’s embarrassing when you get it wrong and have a defendant extradited internationally.  You never know if the defendant might find a lawyer err, “abuser of the criminal justice system” and start exchanging paperwork with you.

As an aside, if you were wondering who has been in the GarCo Jail for the longest period of time, Bebb-Jones isn’t even close.  That distinction goes to Sergio Barraza Salido, who was charged with arson and has not yet gotten to trial.  He’s been in the GarCo Jail for 1663 days.  That is 4.5 years awaiting trial.

These are just a couple examples of colossal wastes of the court’s resources and the taxpayers money under Beeson.  And it has nothing to do with a perceived pack of lawyers that are performing, “ unchecked abuse of the criminal justice system” as Beeson so quaintly puts it below:

“The truth is that you, the taxpaying citizens of this district, have common sense even if the lawyers don’t. You see the real issue of unchecked abuse of the criminal justice system, abuse that is justified and legitimized by distorted views of what the framers of the constitution intended. You see the vitriol employed by those who hold these distorted views against anyone who exposes their dirty little secret. You see through the pathetic, thinly veiled threats of those with political ambitions who use this debate as a launching point for a political campaign. And you recognize that for what it is, the fox’s attempt to gain entry into the henhouse.”

Worst.  Analogy.  Ever.  Apparently the voters do indeed have common sense, and they do not see it Beeson’s way.  “Framers of the Constitution,” Beeson?  Really?  Does this also explain why your office withheld evidence from defense lawyers on a basis that was so regular that a judge issued sanctions against you?  Because they were, “foxes that wanted to be in Beeson’s hen house?”  Granted, the sanctions were eventually reversed, but if the evidence wasn’t withheld in the first place, none of this particular mess would have happened.  Beeson’s view of defense lawyers makes it easy for them to intentionally skip some steps.  After all, these defense lawyers are not there to represent their clients; they are there to get elected to office.  This makes sense in only one mind.  Here’s more:

“Finally, the truth is that in the end you, the citizens of this district, will decide for yourselves what is waste and abuse and what is not. You will decide for yourselves what appropriate conduct is for an officer of the court and what is not. You will decide for yourselves who is on your side and who is not. I do not fear those decisions.”

That’s certainly good to know.  Here are some suggestions:  Take your bible and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.  Oh, and good luck getting a job in the real world.  Your days of public “service” and mistakenly calling Judges, “Lord” are over.

The people in the 9th Judicial District have a lot more to fear from the Shawnee Ryans of the world than they do from an alleged, “British Celebrity Gambler” whose wife went missing 17 years ago and her skull was found two years ago ALL IN ANOTHER COUNTY.

The citizens of the 9th Judicial District had to band together and to get the assistance of a lawyer to write something to Beeson in order to persuade Beeson into prosecuting Shawnee Ryan.  All previous attempts to get the DA’s office to respond were summarily ignored while Shawnee Ryan was out working her home decor scam “magic” on more and more victims.

Beeson lost the election because he did not listen to his constituents.  Beeson took the Bebb-Jones case for one reason, and that is pretty clear now.  The real question is what the fallout will be when Caloia has to drop the case and Bebb-Jones is on the other side of the legal process.  That could get ugly.

The bottom line is that Martin Beeson’s tortured, narcissistic, ego-god view of law and legal principles is as extreme and wrong as is Shawnee Ryan’s methods of using law and legal procedure to abuse her own victims.  The difference, however, is that Beeson is an officer of the court and an elected government law enforcement official, making his behavior more than wrong; it is illegal, unethical, un-godly, and now politically suicidal.  Blessed be the more simple rules of the world:  You get what what you ask for, Preacher!

OK, people.  Let‘s have some comments!

Shawnee Ryan Prison Photo

Here ya go.

What a difference a couple years make, ehh?

Comments?  Let’s have ’em.

God Fails Beeson, Shawnee Ryan Seeks Project Deposit from Warden Zavislan

Garfield County, Colorado:  Martin Beeson has lost in his reelection bid for District Attorney to Sherry Caloia.  With all precincts reporting, Caloia won by a margin of only 159 votes.

Beeson, pictured here learning to use a telephone with instructions from an over-dressed Texan and some fat guy, said that he was disappointed with the loss, and blames it on the Shawnee Ryan trial.

Clearly dumbfounded by the loss, Beeson was overheard saying, “Maybe 12 years was too much for Shawnee Ryan after all.  I don’t get it.”  When asked about the fact that it took him over three years and hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars to take Shawnee down, Beeson replied, “Well, there’s that.  I suppose it could have been handled more quickly and for less money.”  When asked about his stance that the Public Defenders Office did not have the legal right to exist, Beeson said, “Maybe what Caloia said about me was true.  Maybe I am driven by dogged righteousness and disdain for the system.”  Beeson announced that he now plans to spend more time with his 2nd family.

In related news, Shawnee Ryan issued a press release stating that she is in negotiations with prison warden Dona K. Zavislan (pictured on left donning some stunning pearls) for a starter project at the Denver Womens Correctional Facility.  Shawnee said, “I should have a deposit today.  And if I don’t, I’m going to slap a lien on the warden’s house for breach of pre-contract.”  Commenting on Beeson’s loss and the possibility that her recent convictions may be overturned, Shawnee said, “I give a rat’s ass about that small-time punk now.  Actually, I have a lot to thank him for.  He’s given me the structure that I’ve been looking for all my life.  There are a LOT more opportunities here in prison than I ever imagined.  And this is now proven, and I also have the evidence if anybody cares to look at it this time.” Ryan also noted that she might plead guilty to the current check fraud case.  Ryan said, “I could use a couple more years in here.  There is a lot of work that needs to be done.  For starters, there is virtually zero travertine tile in this joint.”

In a post-election interview, Sherry Caloia was asked for a comment on her narrow-margin victory.  Caloia said, “I’m looking forward to continuing a proud tradition in the 9th Judicial District heritage of the Office of the District Attorney that was started by Colleen Truden.  I hope to be able to clean a few things up before the Republicans recall me.”  When asked about the Shawnee Ryan situation, Caloia responded, “Who?”

When asked what her first order of business would be for the DA’s Office, Caloia responded, “I’m going to clean house.  You should see this joint.  It’s appalling.  The first order of business is to open the place up and to get some local talent in that can make these office suites be something we can be proud of.  Think Karastan.”

This is a breaking story and updates will be made throughout the day.  The clerks will be recounting first thing this morning due to the close margin.

Shawnee’s New House: LockDown, Undecorated

Denver Womens Correctional Facility * 3600 Havana Street Denver, CO 80239 * (303) 371-4804

Let’s be honest here folks:  This facility is seriously in the need of a facelift.  The architects clearly had no consideration for curb appeal in their design decisions.  While the stark prison look certainly is “de rigueur” in some circles, there really is no excuse for it in a Denver Colorado Women’s Correctional Facility.  Frankly, it’s an embarrassment.  This most likely will be a high-priority item for Shawnee once she gets settled in and gets through intake and processing.

Another major design opportunity can be found in the medium security wings.  Clearly the institution is in some duir need of a lighting upgrade.  Look at this disaster.  It’s anticipated that Shawnee will go with the mini recessed directional halogen look, but obviously, as lead interior designer, that will be up to her.

Careful consideration should also be given to the paint work that needs to be done.  A high-gloss or semi-gloss enamel simply does not work with the current lighting.  There is no excuse for the glare.  Shawnee will probably want to go with more of a flat look with egg shell for shadings, highlights, accents and shankings.

A bold statement for the paint work on the stairs and rails will also no doubt be items that will require careful consideration.   Custom door hardware is probably not something that the warden would be interested in just yet.  But once she (Dona K. Zavislan) sees some results, who knows.  Let’s be honest here, Shawnee can be very convincing when the need arises.  Further, the stairs and rails are where the majority of the dental work is done in the facility, so color choice is as important as is easy clean up.

Hopping back to the exterior issues, it’s clear that while this fencing does indeed deliver on the requirement to provide a highly-necessary functional security role, it could also use an upgrade.  Possibly something along the “neo-stockade” lines with some all-season shrubbery and stacked stone work could work here.  A water feature should not be ruled out.  Think feng shui.

The maximum security and solitary confinement areas are also in need of some serious work as well.  There is simply way too much testosterone going on here.  Also, a flooring upgrade is mandatory.  Something with color and a geometric pattern would work here.  You never know when an impromptu game of hop scotch with the guards will break out.  Might as well plan for it in advance.  On a plus note, the font selection for the cell numbers does seem to work well.  Let’s be honest here:  Who among us doesn’t love a good Arial Black when it comes to things like this and threatening-beat-down customer emails?

The control rooms will no doubt catch Shawnee’s attention.  It is assumed that they would be the perfect focal point for holiday and seasonal  decorations.  With Christmas just around the corner, there is no time to waste on this project.

The kitchen and baths will also no doubt need some work.  This is OK, though.  There’s plenty of time.  Pa-lenty of time.  Shawnee Ryan has just been “awarded” the longest prison term on record in Colorado for a female convicted of non-violent crimes.

Your comments and insights, as always, are appreciated!

Is Shawnee Ryan Looking at Three Strikes?

Friday, November 2nd was the first hearing for Shawnee Ryan’s outstanding felony charge.  It’s a check fraud case that allegedly happened while Shawnee was out on bond.  Shawnee has no plans on rolling over and playing dead on this one.  In fact, she plans on pulling the exact same stunts with this one that she did in her previous trial.  Specifically, she wants to file motions for a change of venue and to sequester all witnesses and the jury for the case and will file a motion to dismiss while she’s at it.  If you’re getting a little ill after reading that, you’re not alone.

There were two checks involved with this charge.  The first check was post-dated when Shawnee gave it to a customer.  It bounced.  Curiously, instead of dealing with the issue of writing a bad check, Shawnee is more interested in proving that it was written prior to her arrest, when she was not yet on bond.  The proof is contained in security camera footage of a Denver carpet company parking lot that (supposedly) has a date and time stamp on it and shows the two parties together.  The footage has not been retrieved yet.  This is what Shawnee calls, “well documented and easily verifiable.”  Others may prefer the term, “red herring.”

It gets uglier.

The transactions were on the Glenwood Design Center (GDC) account and the company ownership structure involved the now-infamous Keith Wayne.  Keith Wayne gained fame (and Post Independent headlines) by announcing to the DA and the PI that he wasn’t the CEO of anything, was homeless and did not own a thing.  The Colorado Secretary of State records for the GDC show otherwise.  Upon hearing about Shawnee’s pending charges back in 2010, Mr. Wayne went directly to the DA.  Wayne said, “I must clarify to the public that all I own is a tent, a couple of sleeping bags, a Denver Broncos blanket, and a veteran, varmint-chewed JanSport backpack.”  It appears that the DA’s Office is an excellent safe place to blow the whistle.

After Shawnee was “invited” to leave her retail space at the Glenwood Meadows Mall, she opened up the Glenwood Design Center (GDC) on Main Street in Glenwood Springs.  Wayne testified against Shawnee at trial saying that in 2010 Shawnee arranged to use his name and SSN in return for $1500 to set up the new company records for the GDC.  Wayne claims that this amount was never was paid to him.  Mr. Wayne was listed as the President of GDC.  Shawnee was not listed in the ownership of GDC.  The GDC records with the Colorado Secretary of State show that it was formed on Feb. 2, 2010 and dissolved on Aug. 27th, 2010.  There is only one name listed on the five-month venture:  Keith Richard Wayne.

At first, Wayne did odd jobs for Ryan, such as painting her apartment, organizing storage areas, etc.  In spite of never being paid by Shawnee for the work he had done for her to date, Shawnee somehow convinced Wayne into becoming a CEO on paper for the GDC for the purpose of setting up a bank account for the GDC that would be legally separate from Shawnee Ryan until her bankruptcies were finalized.  This was in fact during the time of Shawnee’s bankruptcy proceedings.  Once the bank account was set up, Wayne claimed that Shawnee instructed him to sign a stack of blank checks and to give them to her.  These checks were alleged to have been used in the two transactions that bounced.

It’s an interesting business tactic.  Let’s say that you need a fresh bank account as you’re involved in a bankruptcy.  What would be the best step to take?  One approach would be to find somebody that’s down on their luck and offer them some fictitious amount money in return for the use of their SSN and signature.  Next, have them set up a bank account and sign a mitt full of blank checks for your use.  If the checks that are subsequently written turn out to be rubber, they’re not on your personal record.  They’re on the record of the legal owner of the business.  Granted, this is not the best long-term business strategy, but it can do in a short-term pinch.  This is as opposed to a longer-term, 12-year pinch, of course.

Shawnee maintains that anything to do with this check is disputable because the check came from GDC and all of those transactions belong to Mr. Wayne, not Shawnee.  Then there is another check that bounced, for $300 that was also signed by Mr. Wayne.  The $300 check was issued (by Wayne) as a refund to a customer that cancelled an order.  It bounced.  Mr. Wayne did not know that the order was for goods that could not be cancelled, as in, non-refundable.  The reason Mr. Wayne did not know this is because Mr. Wayne did not know anything about the order.  The goods were allegedly delivered and then placed into storage that is now allegedly under DA and GarCo Sheriff control.  Allegedly.  In Shawnee’s mind, the goods were there, it wasn’t her check on the refund and the whole situation surrounding Wayne and the GDC would have been proven at trial (if only she could have gotten her “evidence” in) as it’s not anything near what is being spun by the DA.  Shawnee maintains that Wayne is much more than “some homeless guy” in these transactions.  One does have to wonder why Wayne is writing checks to customers if his level of involvement is only the use of his SSN and signature to setup the company.  Also, one has to wonder if the DA made some kind of deal with Mr. Wayne for his testimony in both trials.

Translation:  Shawnee thinks that they can’t/won’t touch her on this one and the fact that the DA combined the two checks in order to reach the felony level is highly questionable on their part.  Shawnee may have a point.  Granted, it’s more of another red herring than it is a valid point, but Shawnee won’t let that stand in her way.  More interesting is that Shawnee may have a legit beef with the current understanding of what the true role of Keith Richard Wayne was in these transactions.  It appears that the strategy is to make Keith Wayne look as bad as possible in the current check fraud case, and to then use that as some kind of grounds for an appeal on the previous case.  Once that case is reversed, she sues everybody for tort, writes a book and a movie and hires Glen Close to play the lead.  Close wins an Oscar and Shawnee joins her on stage to accept the award.  And then she wakes up and sees that she is in a locked cell with bars with Peaches in the bunk above her snoring.

Is Shawnee looking at a possible three strikes situation?  Actually, yes.  If she loses the check fraud case, it certainly is possible.  However, the DA might not be interested in putting any more resources into this one right now.  After all, Shawnee is going to be in prison for 12 years as it is.

Your comments, as always, are welcome and appreciated!

Shawnee Ryan Sentenced to Twelve (12) Years in Prison

Garfield County, Colorado:  Judge Denise Lynch has just handed down a 12-year sentence to Shawnee Ryan.  Ryan, 55, was found guilty on seven counts of theft nine weeks ago and has been in the Garfield County Jail for the past two months.

The sentencing took an unusually long period of time, about three hours.  Numerous victims of Ryan’s crimes were able to speak to the court.  Shawnee Ryan also addressed the court.

With good behavior, Ryan could expect to serve no less than 80-85% of the 12 year sentence behind bars.

Please feel to add your comments and updates.

Count Down to Leaving Town

As of today, Shawnee Ryan has spent 54 days in jail.  Since her incarceration, she has not sent a single vile email nor has she made even one vicious blog post.  Shawnee has been deprived of the single most important part of her existence since she’s been behind bars:  Using email and blogs to threaten people and to make herself look like some kind of glowing angel that was plopped on the planet to sprinkle a bit of goodness that magically turns people’s home improvement dreams into reality (minus her fees.)  The GarCo Sheriff doesn’t let his inmates go anywhere near a computer, and for good reason.  This policy won’t change when she gets to the big house, either.  As long as Shawnee Ryan is in jail or prison she will not be sending emails or making blog posts.

The questions of the sentencing specifics are on everyone’s minds.  The Probation Department recommended a sentence of no less than four years.  The online poll on this blog suggests that something over 10 years would be more appropriate.  It is difficult to believe that the Judge will hand out that stiff a sentence for non-violent crimes.  There is also the issue of when she’ll be able to get probation.  All of this depends on how long the Judge thinks Shawnee needs to be in jail in order for her to “get it.”  Restitution could also be a big component of Shawnee’s sentence.  All of Shawnee’s victims would certainly like to be made whole again.  The true number of victims may not ever be known, but it’s fair to say that this has been a colossal waste of time and money for many, many people.  There is also another felony check fraud charge that is outstanding and needs to be dealt with.  The original scheduling for the hearing on that charge was November 2nd, the day after sentencing.

In spite of her thinking otherwise, Shawnee is most likely not going to get Jerry Spence to take over her case on appeal.  Nor is her pre-sentencing scheme going to happen where she’ll get married to a man that needs her medical care in order to affect the judge’s sentencing in her favor.  The fact of the matter is that Shawnee is going to go to prison for at least fours years, and there is nothing she can do about it now.

Whatever jail life is like for Shawnee right now, prison life is going to be much different, and much more harsh.  Will she be able to get her fellow inmates to believe her grandiose story?  You know, the one about how she was found guilty due to the efforts of a tiny mob of middle-aged women with a vendetta-grudge over some lack of execution on her part for flooring or window treatments in their McMantions?  You know, the story where the Preacher DA strategically timed her trial for maximum voter impact as his second-most important mission in life (after getting to heaven) is getting re-elected?  You know, the fantastic story where she has a Masters Degree from Washington State University, right?  That’s right, it’s the story where the evil cabal somehow forced her beloved son into taking his life due to their intensive bad mouthing and stalking on the internet.  Yes, it’s the story where she’s the only person that has the “evidence” that proves her innocent of everything she’s been charged and convicted of.  It is the evidence that she neglects to show anybody (even at her trial) and then points the finger back and says, “Nobody even bothered to look at the evidence.  How dare they try to convict me?  This is a witch hunt!”

Yes, this is the story where she was forced to file dozens of Cease and Desists, Liens, law suits and make nasty threats to her customers, just to protect herself, right?  It’s a huge conspiracy, you know.  All these supposed victims out there have decided that they have nothing better to do with their lives than to gang up on Shawnee Ryan for the express purpose of shaming her out of town and into jail, and it’s to cover up for their own crimes.  To be honest, it almost looks like they don’t want her in their private club.

So, what will the fellow inmates think of Shawnee Ryan?  Will she be invited to play reindeer games together with them?  Will she be able to out-scam the real pros in prison?  The people that’ll be around her are going to include some seriously heavy hitters.  Speaking of the guards, how will Shawnee get along with the prison staff?  Will she willingly comply with all of their requests, including mental treatments?  Inmates have two things that don’t go down well with them:  Snitches and liars.  Will Shawnee learn the rules quickly, or slowly?  Will Shawnee become some sort of prison faux lawyer and give guidance to Peaches, Rasputia, Trixie Von Reaper and the rest of the crew on their cases?

Believe it or not, none of this is important to Shawnee right now.  What is important to her is that she needs to get her appeal case on the fast track and rolling.  Her incarceration and seven felony convictions are minor setbacks in the real battles in her mind:  A) Protecting her internet reputation and righting that wrong – and – B) Seeing that every person that has ever said anything negative about her and her businesses (which, in most circles is known as “freedom of speech”) gets sued for mega tort whereby she reaps a major windfall – and – C) That a book and major movie deal roll even more funds into her currently-empty coffers.

Once that’s done she’ll be where she rightfully belongs:  On top of the world, being the queen of her domain.  She’ll start her own club at that point and none of the haterz will be invited to join.  With her detractors sufficiently shamed, she’ll be planning her 2nd book and she’ll be on the morning talk shows and will be a celebrity legal correspondent on CNN and Court TV.  She’ll even write feature columns in Architectural Digest with topics like, “Embossed Floral Fabric Considerations for Those with Discerning Tastes in a Post-Earth-Tone Era.”  She’ll be famous and respected beyond anything anyone can imagine.  The University of Washington will award her their first honorary “Pity Degree” and will open the first Business School Wing of Shawnee in honor of her painful, lengthy and deep “kampf.”  The wrongs will all have been righted, and they will never, ever happen again, as she will be riding the other side of the wave then.

But there will still be some things that are missing and they can’t come back.  Let’s not talk about those, though.  Apparently sometimes a person’s just got to do what a person’s got to do in life.

Your comments are always welcome and are appreciated!